Why do you ask for my comments? from a confused reader

Dear Blog Owner

I'm confused. 

I see that little comment box at the foot of your posts and I assume it means you want me to comment.

Sometimes I even hear you say as much.  "Please tell me what you think!" you say.  "I'd love to hear your views" - or so the story goes.

And if I've enjoyed what you've written, if it's struck a chord with me, if I think I can add something of value to your words, I'll take the time to leave a comment.

And you know, I don't mind if it's a little tricky to add my reply.  I'll put up with catchpa, of course, I use it myself.  I can put up with moderation - everyone needs to use it some time - though it would be nice if you managed to publish my comment after a day or so.  And I understand why some blog owners decide to switch comments off altogether - because they know they don't have the time to moderate, and respond, and treat their listeners with the courtesy and respect they deserve.

But you, you're different.  You've invited me in.  You've made it easy for me to reply.   And then - nothing.  Silence.  Just my comment sitting there, unanswered, unconsidered, growing dusty on the lonely shelf of your 'recent comments' box.

And I don't know if you know this but I come back to look for your reply.  I keep a note of the places I've stopped to say hello, and I'll go back and look, with anticipation, to see how the conversation has unfolded.  I might go back more than once - because I know that sometimes, it can take a while.  But still nothing.  Silence.

And you know I'm not talking here about the high traffic sites where there are scores of comments on every post.  I'm not looking for an individual reply to everything I write - although I know that even here the blog owners are watching, and moderating, and jumping in when they need to, that they're listening and learning and responding to the questions from their readers in other ways.  No I'm talking about small, quiet blogs where I'm joining in because I think your site look interesting, because I think you might appreciate some additional conversation.  And I'm talking about blogs with well known names who ask for ideas, and comments and suggestions which I take at face value and then - nothing.

And I wonder why it is that you leave that little comment box open for me.  Is it because it's the default setting and you haven't worked out how to switch it off yet?  Maybe it's because you've been told you "should" invite your readers in - but you've never thought about what happens when they get there?  Sometimes I wonder if you view your comments as a sign of success - that others will lap up your words, and jump, like little dogs, when you ask us what we think. 

And sometimes I wonder if you ever spend any time commenting on other people's blogs.  Because if you did, I guess you'd know how it feels to be ignored.

You'd know that it doesn't need to be like this.  That there are people who will respond, right away, to the comments that you leave behind.  That comments can lead to conversations, and visits to your blog, and comment conversations there.  To links, and guest authoring, and collaborative working, to new clients and new gigs.  That some people will come and visit your site if you've left a comment on theirs.  That some will send an e-mail if you're a first time visitor.  That there are stellar conversationalists out there who will send you an e-mail to say thanks, and hello, and respond to your comment and say something positive and constructive about your site, because they've taken the time to get to know you.  And us, small commenters that we are, well we remember them.  Who they are, how they treated us, and how they made us feel.

But you.  Nothing.

And so I wonder.  Over and over, why it is that you ask for my comments.  But as I can't converse with you I do the only thing it's in my power to do.  Decide not to go back.  Unsubscribe from your feed.  And ask you my question.

Why is it that you ask for my comments?

Joanna Young
Your former reader

Comments

[Joanna Young]

Hi Claire, it's nice to see you here :-)

I wasn't really wanting anyone to feel guilt-ridden or shame-faced, honest! I suppose I did write this in some frustration, but also out of curiosity as to why some bloggers invite but don't reply to comments. I think you've given me some good answers here - about communication fatigue and your preferred networking style as well as time pressures - but also that when you're leaving comments you're not expecting a reply. Which is very different to me - and a good reminder to myself not to assume that we're all the same :-)

One spin off benefit is that I get to write and blog with you - so it can't be all bad news!

Joanna