What do we mean by rapport?

Rapport is fundamental to all coaching and NLP.  The thesaurus definition of rapport is:

• a relation of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people
• a feeling of sympathetic understanding
• sympathetic compatibility

I'd highlight a few important words from that definition:

Relation... between people.  It's not something one person 'does' to another.  It exists between people.

Trust. Rapport is connected to but not the same as trust.  Rapport can be built (and lost) quickly.  Trust takes time.

Feeling. There's often a 'feeling' of connection with someone - but you might not be able to put your finger on why, or how

So rapport is all about the relationship between people.  Although there are things that you can do to build rapport you cannot manipulate another person into feeling it.  To build rapport you also need to let yourself be open to influence - and to respect the other person that you are communicating with.

You can create rapport by relating to people in a way that creates a climate of trust and understanding.  Although we can learn ways to build and create rapport it is important to remember that rapport is natural.  It is integral to human communication. 

As Joseph O'Connor reminds us: "we do not need to create it as much as stop doing what could be preventing it..."